By Nurul Fatma Aziz @ Awang
Introduction
A positive psychology researcher elaborates happiness as "the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, linked with a sense that one's life is good, significant, and valuable." (Lyubomirsky, 2007). Defining happiness may not be as easy as defining colours. Red as hot, blue as cool, white as pure and the list goes on. It was suggested by Dr. Joel Low, a Clinical Psychologist and Director at The Mind Psychological Services & Training, happiness is a primary emotion in which it could lead to the feeling of pleasure, elation and proud. Happiness can be achieved by doing something like, eating your favourite food, buying a brand-new car, or it might even be getting things or tasks done in time. Happiness involves value judgement where most of the time it is attained when the person has whatever it is that benefits him or her. If we have various values, we may have diverse ideas about what constitute a happy life. It is indeed hard to define happy, even for our own self.
When do we start to feel happy? Initially, we all start off as blank canvases in this world. Our mental picture gradually fills in as we grow older and have more life experiences. Precious recollections paint a vivid picture in our minds and broaden our horizons. So, bear in mind that happiness can only be determined by oneself as the person experiences a situation on their own and perceives a situation with their own understanding and acceptance. Our intrinsic abilities and the external world that surround us help us discover emotions, and what makes us "happy" is a collection of internal reactions and how they respond to our environmental teachings. This explains why no two persons are alike and why there are so many different religions, so many diverse opinions on the same problem, and why it is often hard to agree on something.
Since it is hard to define happiness, we need to accept the fact that not everyone’s source of happiness comes from the same place. Happiness is nothing more than a subjective construct when one person's definition of happiness is another person's sense of ignorance. My mom could have plants as her source of happiness, my dad could have his garage as his and yours could be studying hard to get good results. So, bear in mind that happiness can only be determined by oneself as the person experiences a situation on their own and perceives a situation with their own understanding and acceptance.
Unreliable Measurement to Happiness
In principle, there appears to be no objection to assess, at least roughly, how happy people are. There is no measurement for the happiness. According to Dr. Joel Low, happiness depends on every individual. If you think you are happy, then you are happy. It is indeed a subjective emotion with no contextual information. It is difficult to measure happiness because a person is unable to have access to someone's personal experience. Researchers presume that people can be aware or unaware of their happiness levels. Someone may appear dissatisfied because he did not reach certain goals, but ten years later, he may reflect on the era as a joyful moment in his life. However, happiness may be defined in terms of how people express themselves. Someone who posts the remark "what a horror" or something along those lines on social media can be perceived as miserable, whereas a simple snapshot of a smiling individual can be interpreted as pleased. We might be able to design some type of basic happiness measure through this way.
Though happiness cannot be measured generally, psychotherapist such as Dr. Joel suggested that it could be measured by Likert Scale. An individual should rate a certain event based on their own understanding and acceptance of everything that has happened. Only a person can rate the event as happy or not to them. In this way, it would somehow give the therapist an idea of the level of happiness a person is feeling. Since it is hard to find the direct definition of being happy, we use a scientific scale instead to know the level of happiness. By using the Likert Scale, you would exactly know how happy you are based on a situation.
According to Dr. Joel, most people regard content as being happy. The truth is both have different meanings. Being happy is when something makes you happy, or you do something that is making you happy. However, as for being contented, it is when you are feeling just okay with what you have now. You can feel content just because you have all the things you need in your house. You have a television, a working washing machine, a comfortable bathroom and the list goes on. They are all the necessary things you need to live. Content can as well be the secondary feeling, the same as pleasure and elation.
How to Be Happy
Personally, I would say that you feel happy once you can change any situation like you are a winner instead of a victim. Even in the worst scenario you can still be a winner. How you want to change your mind from a victim mindset to a winner mindset is to list down 5 things that you are blessed for in that scenario and list down what you can learn from those events. I really like to relate this to the concept that is highlighted by the Robbin Sharma which really makes sense to me. Life is not to get; life is to give and grow. There is a page that I just come across known as 365give. Remember to do good deeds you really need to plan. For instance, for you to donate money, you need to put some portion of your salary for that good purpose. For you to give a surprise to your family, you really need to plan well. However, to do so, you need a warm and big heart to start with. As highlighted in the Hadith,
"True enrichment does not come through possessing a lot of wealth, but true enrichment is the enrichment of the soul." (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Although it is hard to define happiness, there are several ways you can do to increase happiness.
- Firstly, avoid comparisons.
According to Stanford psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, focusing on our own personal achievement instead of comparing ourselves to others, leads to greater satisfaction. Allah says in the Quran,
"Do not strain your eyes in longing for the things that we have given to some groups of them to enjoy, the splendour of the life of this world through which we test them. The provision of your Lord is better and more lasting." (Quran 20:131)
Remember that this life is not a race, rather it is a unique journey for every individual to embrace. Some people might get married at the age of 20, but some other get married at the early 30. Both can achieve happiness by feeling content and syukur for all the blessings that Allah gives us. Everything that Allah gives is sufficient for us and it is very important for us to realise that everything that we need is basically already around us.
- Smile, even when you do not feel like it.
"Happy people…see possibilities, opportunities, and success. When they think of the future, they are optimistic, and when they review the past, they tend to savour the high points," say Diener and Biswas-Diener, a popular author on the happiness (Biswas-Diener, 2008).
Prophet Muhammad said, "Do not think little of any good deed, even if it is just greeting your brother with a cheerful smile."(Saheeh Bukhari) and
"To smile in the face of your brother is charity given on your behalf."(Saheeh Bukhari)
One of Prophet Muhammad’s companions said, "Since the day I accepted Islam, the Messenger of God would never meet me without a smiling face."(Saheeh Bukhari)
A smiling face indicates a good quality and causes blessed results since it indicates that one’s heart is free of hatred, and it causes affection to grow between people. Let’s start and end our day by smiling, even if we feel so devastated. Research shown that, by smiling the body will react positively as if we are in the good mood. Thus, we not only cheer other people up, but at the same time we also can gain a physical and emotional health from just a smile. We don’t need any reason or money to do so. Always practise smiling while speaking, it will really set the tone and the impression of your face and you will end up looking younger and sounding cheerful to the others.
- Exercise, preferably outside
According to the German Physiotherapist, exercise may just be as effective as drugs for the treatment of depression. Prophet Muhammad said: "A strong believer is better and more beloved in the sight of God than a weak believer "(Saheeh Bukahri). He was not only speaking of faith and character, but also of optimum health and fitness in a believer. Make a habit of just walking and enjoy the nature every day. Take a 15 minutes break in the morning, afternoon or evening to walk in the park, around your neighbourhood or take a walk to your café for lunch rather than using the car. This habit, even though it looks simple, it will slowly change your perspective and health as well.4. Make friends and treasure family.
According to Biswas_Diener, people who are happier are more likely to have supportive families, friends, and relationships (Biswas-Diener, 2008). "We don’t just need relationships; we need close ones" that involve understanding and caring. Islam places a high value on the unity of families, neighbourhoods, and the larger community.
"Worship God and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, the poor, the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those whom your right hands possess. Verily, God does not like those who are proud and boastful." (Quran 4:36)
Prophet Muhammad said, "Among the things that bring happiness to a believer in this life are a righteous neighbour, a spacious house and a good steed."
If you are not in the state to have one, be one. Start by having small gesture of sending gift to your friends and celebrating your family members’ birthday. Always remember to bring something when you visit your relatives like fruits, snack, juices, and even necessities such as detergent and rice. These small gestures will be so useful for them since all the goodies are useful and can be used for daily consumption.
- Say thank you like you mean it.
According to research, people who keep weekly gratitude journals are healthier, more optimistic, and more likely to make progress toward personal goals (Emmons, 2007). The idea that to be happy or content, we must be grateful to God for everything, not just what we perceive to be blessings. Whatever situation we are in, we are grateful and confident that it is beneficial to us if we follow Allah's instructions. Feeling content or syukur is all about action. Not only in oneself, but we also need to start sharing and do things for others. We need to teach ourselves to be happy when other people are happy. That is the real meaning of happiness. Look upon your mother, she is so happy when she can cook food for everybody, it is not for herself, but for others.
Allah said:
"Therefore, remember Me (God) and I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless Favours on you) and never be ungrateful to Me." (Quran 2:152)
And (remember) when God proclaimed: ‘If you are grateful, I will give you more (of My Blessings); but if you are ungrateful verily, My punishment is indeed severe.’ (Quran 14:7)
- Give it away, give it away now!
Make altruism and charitable giving a priority in your life and stick to it. According to researcher Stephen Post, helping a neighbour, volunteering, or donating goods and services produces a "helper's high," which provide more health benefits than exercise or quitting smoking. Muslims are encouraged to be charitable to their loved ones, neighbours, strangers, and even enemies. This is mentioned numerous times in the Quran and in Prophet Muhammad's authentic traditions.
"Say: "Truly, my Lord blesses the provision for whom He wills of His slaves, and also restricts it for him, and whatsoever you spend of anything (in God’s Cause), He will replace it. And He is the Best of providers." (Quran 34:39)
The people came to the Prophet Muhammad, and asked, "If someone has nothing to give, what will he do?" He said, "He should work with his hands and benefit himself and also give in charity (from what he earns)." The people further asked, "If he cannot find even that?" He replied, "He should help the needy who appeal for help." Then the people asked, "If he cannot do that?" He replied, "Then he should perform good deeds and keep away from evil deeds and this will be regarded as a charitable deed."(Saheeh Bukhari:24).
- Put money low on your list of priorities.
According to researchers Tim Kasser and Richard Ryan, people who prioritise money are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. God's messenger stated,
"Be happy and hope for what will please you. By God, I am not afraid that you will be poor, but I fear that worldly wealth will be bestowed upon you as it was bestowed upon those who lived before you. So you will compete amongst yourselves for it, as they competed for it and it will destroy you as it did them."(Saheeh Bukhari:59)
- Be in present
Know that if you do not live in the present moment, your thoughts will become disorganised, your affairs will become confused, and your anxiety will increase. Focus on the present rather than the past and everything it contains. Do not become completely preoccupied with the future and then dismiss the present. Maintain a sense of balance in your life by adequately preparing for all situations.
The following hadith explains these facts:
“When you are in the evening, do not expect to see the morning, and when you are in the morning, do not expect to see the evening.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Conclusion
“If only we’d stop trying to be happy we’d have a pretty good time”, said Edith Wharton an American novelist, short story writer, and designer. On the surface, it appears like pursuing happiness should make us happy. After all, we are all looking for ways to make our lives more enjoyable. This, however, is not the case. Unlike other goals, pursuing happiness rarely leads to attaining happiness (Schooler, Ariely, & Loewenstein, 2003). The paradox of happiness is that pursuing it reduces your chances of achieving it. More fervent pursuit, like sand through your fingers at the beach, will result in less accomplishment of that pleasant feeling.
Allah teaches us to love others as much as we love ourselves. Starting from today, buy something that you love for somebody else. Then you will feel so contented. That is why when things are done with other people, they will be so much fun. Just like loving in doing anything in life, being happy for other people, needs practice. When other people achieve success, be so much happy as if as if you have also achieved success. If you want to learn how the true happiness and contentment is by looking at your mother. She can scarify her night for the children but feel so satisfied when the child is getting better from the fever, she can scarify her weekend for her child sport tournament and see how happy her children spending time with his friends.
Me as a mother will be very happy to buy things for my children, to see how much they enjoy the cookie or the candy. It brings so much happiness to cook a simple spaghetti and being appreciated by my son. Learn by looking at how happy the child is with anything such as RM1 ice cream and RM2 new stationeries. Be happy for who you are. Many of us are so preoccupied with finding something else that we miss out on happiness when it comes our way.
Importantly, pursuing happiness means focusing on what you do have, otherwise, it can lead to anger, worry, and dissatisfaction. People who spend more time looking for happiness, according to another study published in the Psychonomic Bulletin & Review, feel greater time scarcity and pressure, and hence less contentment. Focusing on gratitude like appreciating all you can in your current situation and giving contributions to others are preferable to chasing happiness. Generosity focuses you on your connections with others and everything you have to offer, which is linked to happiness.
